I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
