Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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