I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize