Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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