Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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