Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
