I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
