end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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