I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
