My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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