So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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