my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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