i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
