Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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