In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
