so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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