I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
