I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
