Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i think i just lost a toe
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
