While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
