So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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