It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
everyone is single if you try hard enough
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
