ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
