I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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