Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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