Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
