Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
