I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
