What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
