tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
