you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
