i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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