I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I didn't notice because vodka
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we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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