Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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