I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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