u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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