And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
