My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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