I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize