if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
