My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
