what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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