I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
