If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
