I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
