It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
