Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
