A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
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There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
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We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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