hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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