He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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