What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She's JV to your varsity
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
