I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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