youre lurking in front of me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
