she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
