he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
